Done
by luvingbtr
Summary: He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't be broken like this anymore. His friends tried to help him, but nothing worked. He was too broken. Spiraling out of control. And there was no one to help him. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it anymore.


**This is a little oneshot that I wrote for Dani (BigTimeRush-BTR). It's kinda like a thank you present, because she's been so awesome, these past few weeks. I hope you enjoy, Dani~**

He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't be broken like this anymore. His friends tried to help him, but nothing worked. He was too broken. Spiraling out of control. And there was no one to help him. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it anymore.

_I don't want to live anymore._

_I don't want to hold on any longer._

_I'm giving up._

_No one can stop me._

_I'm just a broken mess that no one likes. _

_I hate myself._

_I hate living. _

_No one would miss me. Not Carlos. Not James. Not Katie. Not my mom. Not Jo. Not Logan. They would probably be happier if I died. No one would miss me. No one would care. I'm done. Game over. I quit. Kendall Knight is officially done with life….._

He felt all those things. He couldn't control them. He was just too broken. Beyond control. Unfixable. He threw the diary onto his bed, and walked into the bathroom, a razor grasped tightly in his fingers.

…

Logan Mitchell walked into 2J, looking for his best friend. He knew that there was something wrong with Kendall, and he was determined to find out what it was. Sighing, he knocked on the closed door of their shared bedroom. No answer. He turned the knob, and the door swung open, revealing what Kendall had been hiding for so long.

"Kendall?" He called softly. Nothing. He wasn't in the room. "Kendall, please….I just want to know what's wrong….why won't you tell me…?"

Then, he saw it. An open book on Kendall's mattress, lying askew. The book that could hold the answers to Kendall's mysteriousness. Logan walked over, and sat down on Kendall's bed. He picked up the book, and then realized something. It was a _diary. Kendall's diary. _

Logan knew that diaries were private, but this was an emergency. He began to read through the entries, each one shocking him even more. Then, he reached the last filled page. Today.

_January 7, 2012_

_Dear Diary, _

_I don't want to live anymore._

_I don't want to hold on any longer._

_I'm giving up._

_No one can stop me._

_I'm just a broken mess that no one likes. _

_I hate myself._

_I hate living. _

_No one would miss me. Not Carlos. Not James. Not Katie. Not my mom. Not Jo. Not Logan. They would probably be happier if I died. No one would miss me. No one would care. I'm done. Game over. I quit. Kendall Knight is officially done with life. _

_These are the last words I'll ever write. The last thoughts I'll ever think. I just want to say goodbye. _

_Carlos, you've been amazing. You're funny and silly, and kind and just plain awesome. Don't give up on your dreams to become a police officer or a superhero, okay? Make me proud, bro. I love you so much. I've sorry. Goodbye. _

_James, you're the best. Amazing, and kind, thoughtfull and funny. You've always had my back. My big bro. Become a model for me, okay? Or, after Big Time Rush ends, go solo. You've got an amazing voice, and amazing looks. Don't put them to waste. Thanks for being such an awesome big brother. Having my back in tough situations. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Goodbye. _

_Katie, baby sister. You're the best sister anyone could ask for. Don't kill yourself, because your ol' bro did. You can become big in Hollywood. Russel Brand's manager? Anything, really. You're awesome, babygirl. I love you so much, always remember that. Don't lose touch with Carlos, James, and Logan. They'll protect you when I can't. Thanks for being an amazing little sister. I love you so much. Goodbye. _

_Mom, you're amazing. You're my doctor, lawyer, seamstress, fashion designer, cook, and so much more. You've done everything I've asked, and you even moved out to LA to take care of me, Katie, and the guys. I can't thank you more, for that. I'm so sorry for doing this to you, mom. Don't lose contact with Carlos, James, and Logan. They can replace me as the "men of the house" Thanks for everything. I love you so much. Goodbye. _

_Jo, you're my girl. My covergirl. You've been nothing but loyal to me, even when I haven't. I'll never forgive myself for kissing Lucy, the day you came back. I was never in love with her. It was all you. You're the best. Never forget me. Become an actress for me, okay? Thanks for being the best girlfriend ever. I love you so much. Goodbye. _

_Logan. You wondering why I put you last? Because you're amazing. My big brother. Amazing. Pure amazing. I can't describe it, buddy. You've been faithful, loyal, caring….I just, I love you so much, Logie. You understand me. You're always there. I know that what I'm doing is going to hurt you. I can''t take it anymore. It's too much. I have to do this. It's just something that happened over time. Now, don't you dare blame yourself. There's nothing that you could've done. This just…happened. I can't do life. I wasn't cut out for life. It hurts too much. I'm so sorry, bro. I love you so much. Goodbye. _

No. No. No. This could not be happening. Kendall. Logan's thoughts whirled wildly, as he raced toward the bathroom, hoping that he wasn't too late. He burst through the door, and gasped at the sight in front of him. Kendall. Kendall.

His little brother was laying on the bathroom floor, unconscious, blood pouring out of his wrist, and tearstains covering his cheeks. A razor lay a few feet away.

"Kendall!" Logan exclaimed. He dashed over, and immediately gathered his little brother into his arms, tears sliding down his cheeks. "Oh my God, Kendall. Please, please be alive." He felt for a pulse, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found one. It was faint, but it was there.

"Oh Kendall, you're so broken, bro. I'll fix you, I promise I'll fix you. I'll do whatever it takes to fix you. You won't be broken anymore, with me here. I'll always be here."

Logan looked desperately at his best friend, begging for him to open his eyes. He couldn't believe, that he didn't realize how broken Kendall was. How his brother was _harming _himself, and he didn't see it? How could he be so stupid?

"Please, Kendall, I need to know you're alive." Logan begged the boy in his arms, kissing his forehead, and hugging him tightly to his body.

"L-L-Logie?"

**Oh god….I think I overdosed on the angst there….I do that sometimes, pour my heart into my writing….anyway, Dani, I hope you liked it! Thank you for everything! And thank you guys, too. I love you all~ I'm working on Perfection, and I'll update this weekend. **

**XO ~Rain**


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